I wanna be a drug-sniffing dog

I wanna be a drug-sniffing dog
so I can snort coke all day long
bite my master when it suits me
get off on diminished capacity.

I wanna be a customs man
snoop through your stuff ‘cos I can
sneaky-peaky pry through your private lives
stroke your panties jackin’ off at lunch.

Weh-oh, weh-oh-ho!
Sure beats Alpo.

It’s the life
it’s the stink
it’s the attitude.

I wanna be a San Francisco cop
so I can speed and run red lights
and sure as Rodney was a King
we got ways to makes you sing.

We can seize everything
houses, cars, and life savings
keep the loot for ourselves
fake drug charge works every time.

I wanna join the Christian Coalition
so I can molest my children
none suspect me cos I’ve been saved
til my stepdaughter drowns her kids in a lake.

Weh-oh, weh-oh-ho!
Spare rod
spoil the child.

It’s life
it’s stink
choose your masks.